Today I am at a yard sale, I have never been great at having them but this is a group one and I’ve done it a couple of times with a reasonable about of success. I didn’t plan well for this one because there is plenty I could get rid of but didn’t get around too it (i.e. lazy). I have a love/hate with possessions. I really hate clutter but find a hard time getting rid of stuff. Sometimes it’s emotional but sometimes it’s just because I don’t know what to do with it. Throw it in the garbage, resell it, give it away…I know it really not a hard decision but somehow I struggle with it anyway.
I don’t know of my posts reflect this, but for the most part I am a pretty optimistic person. I can go down the rabbit hole with worry but most days I do not. I try hard to not let my daughter get discouraged. I do agree with her that diabetes sucks and I sympathize with her that the inserts/shots/finger pricks hurt but I try not to let her fall into the burn-out that I know can happen. I am sure this will get harder and there will be times that she will rebel and feel the depression that can come with a life-changing diagnoses but I also hope and pray that she will overcome and remain optimistic about her future and the fulfilling life she can have while living with Type 1.
Daughter stayed home from school, not feeling well but just a head cold. Her numbers have been ok. When Type 1’s get sick there is always the worry of how it will effect their blood sugar and the possibility of ketones. I have been very worried this year of her getting sick but so far other than sinuses and colds she’s been ok. As we near the one year mark, I am thankful that we made it without any major mishaps. I hate always having to ask her about her numbers but that’s the new reality of our lives.
One of the biggest heartbreak’s of my life was realizing that I could not sing. In my bedroom as a child I would belt out song after song with such passion and abandon, I thought I was Madonna for sure. I can’t remember when I found out I couldn’t sing, I think I knew it but didn’t care for a long time. Oh to be young and carefree. Like with my ‘Dancing’ post, my kids used to not care, join in, love it, etc. Now not so much. I can really embarrass them by suddenly breaking in ‘Wrecking Ball’ or something.
However a few weeks ago, we were talking about their new cousins and lullabies and they requested that I sing a few to them as a reminder. It was quite a lovely moment that I know is all too fleeting.
I fully admit that I am lazy. When I get motivated to do something, I can and will but finding that motivation is hard. I also think I am easily distracted so if I don’t have a to-do list to get through it doesn’t get done. I am probably not the best influence on my kids because the laziness has been passed down for sure. My daughter often says ‘I don’t feel like getting up to get that’ or ‘can you do it for me.’ She’s 13, she needs to be a little less lazy.
Yesterday was my birthday. I told my kids that it was my day and they had to do what I wanted and not complain. It went about as well as you could expect. Even on my birthday I put the kids first. It’s hard as a parent to take a step back and put yourself first. I did get to do some of the things I wanted/planned but not all and I guess that’s good enough for now.
What brings Joy? Loving life, beautiful skies on sunny days, smiling kids. I used to think I was a happy person but I think life has gotten me down the last few years and I am trying to find that joy again. I think the key to finding joy is to remember how blessed we are and to look for the small thing and not the big things.
Last weekend I got to spend quite a bit of time with my new infant nephews. Babies are just so sweet and innocent and lovable. I haven’t been around infants in a very long time and it really is great when you get to hold and snuggle with them then go home for the night. I still get up most nights to check my daughter’s blood glucose levels (it takes its toll on you when you don’t get the consistent sleep) but I do not envy that part of having newborns…and having two at once makes it even more difficult. But that time passes all too fast and soon they move on to the next stage. Some good, some not so great. But in the end you won’t trade it for anything.
4-H: Head, Heart, Hands, and Health. This is on my mind today as I took over as co-leader for the local club and we have a big fundraiser tomorrow. I was very active in 4-H as a child and my children have been members now for a few years. Every summer there is also a week long camp that was the highlight on my year. My kids have loved it too. Last summer, my daughter was diagnosed just a few weeks before camp so it was very stressful (I think I wrote a post about it). So this year I am attending as a counselor. When I was a teenager I thought for sure this was something I would do every year as an adult, now that the time is getting closer I am worried. I love kids but sometimes they overwhelm me. I think as I have gotten older and my kids have grown I have lost some of my patience. I am usually better around other people kids and I know my kids plan to act like they don’t know me so hopefully it will be alright.
Have I been complaining a lot? In truth I am very grateful. Everyone has their share of problem and battles so it’s easy to get caught up in the ‘my situation is worse than yours’ game. The opposite of keeping up with the Jones. So here are some things I am grateful for…I am blessed to still have my mother close by and healthy and willing to help us out with running the kids around and just being with us. I have a wonderful husband who works hard, makes me laugh and still loves me. I have two smart, beautiful children who I love more that I ever thought possible. I have a good job that is challenging, pays well, and has some flexibility to take time off if needed. And while our house is small, it was built by my grandfather about 65 years ago. I was blessed to know all my grandparents even though they have passed on now. I have great memories of our time together. I lost my dad too and though we struggled at times I was a daddy’s girl. He is the one who always sang ‘My girl’ to me and was the inspiration for the name of the blog.